Day 3: A Gloomy Day of Recovery

I run from my hut to the kitchen where the only people up so far are Rifat and Aga.  I tell Aga the situation and ask if she can wake up Casey to give her some healing herbs.  Moments later she comes back with both Casey and Jill.  Casey has some medicinal herbs in hand and tells Jill to go and get the Shamans as they spent the night in the hammock.  Casey walks into our tambo and sees just how bad Meagan is.  She is in a cold sweat and doesn’t even have the energy to roll over.  When we try to get her attention she has very little reaction and no clue where she is.  She struggles even to take the smallest of amounts.  I am hoping the relief will come fast but it appears it is far worse than I could have imagined. 

Jill walks in the door with the Shamans and they sit on the bed next to Meagan.  They first do an examination of her by placing there hands on her stomach and pushing deep inside her midsection to see what is going on.   Jorge then sings a silent Icaro into a bottle of medicine he has brought in.  I would enjoy watching this process if it wasn’t my girlfriend suffering.  The whole thing was like watching something on the Discovery Channel or National Geographic.  We had seen the Shaman’s amazing gifts the night before but this was on the next level.  Meagan continues to purge throughout the process.  In an effort to stop her from purging for the first time in over 15 hours he does something so amazing.  He places his lips around her belly button and sucks as hard as he possibly can that it almost sounds like he is growling.  He appears to be pulling the medicine out of her, almost like an exorcism.  After he pulls away, Meagan opened her eyes and for the first time had her first feeling of relief since taking the medicine. 

The Shamans then communicate to Jill and Casey that there is a large physical blockage in her abdomen called a “choke”.  The blockage is about the size of an apple and it is why the medicine reacted in her body in this way.  They will come back tomorrow after they have prepared a medicine to help with the blockage as well as for the yeast infection she had upon arriving in the jungle.  Jill then inquires about the next ceremony and if she should participate.  They recommend that she only take a little and promise that it will not happen again but she needs to participate for her own strength so she is not afraid of the medicine.  Although I know the chances are very slim that she will participate based on her physical condition and her attitude but it is good to know it is still a possibility. 

The news and healing by the Shamans has taken quite a toll on me that it makes me start to cry as the emotion is difficult to handle and the fear of not sharing this experience may shortly become a reality.  I just want her to feel better but it doesn’t look like it is going to be anytime soon.  We all leave to give her time to rest and calm down after quite an experience.

As we head to the kitchen we run into Lee and Harvey both of whom had quite an amazing first experience.  Lee went in very hard and had to deal with lots of things like facing fears.  Harvey seems to be a little tamer but still the stories of any experiences make my blood boil with jealousy.  It doesn’t make sense as to why everyone went in so hard when I felt so incredibly sober at the end.  I know I needed to be there for Meagan but the frustration still bothers me. 

Breakfast is fruit salad and portage, not exactly my ideal first meal but after no sleep and no food for 24 hours I will take anything at this point.  More stories of peoples’ experiences are exchanged.  There were a few that did not purge at all the previous night making me wonder why Meagan is going through so much when she is one of the healthiest people here.  The only other person who was as sober last night was Kristen.  She did purge but did not have anything profound happen either but she was displaying her grudging attitude a little more on her shoulder.  Every time she hears her boyfriend Lee talk so excited about his encounter you can see her blood boil.  As she begins to voice her displeasure in the experience, the cook Miguel quickly comments that not only is it common to not be taken in the first time but also the anger is Ayahuasca working.  She is bringing out the primal emotions in us that we must face before we can receive her healing.  This brings some perspective and relief to the situation and gives us some peace.  

Afterwards I go back to the hut to check on Meagan, she doesn’t appear to be purging anymore and for the first time is sleeping.  I decide to take this opportunity to write in my journal so I don’t forget all of the things I have seen and learned.  Only a few pages in the tiredness sinks in and it is time to take a much-needed nap. I head outside to find a hammock and it seems I am not the only one to think this way on a gloomy day of recovery.

My nap is short lived however as Meagan begins to puke once again by her own hand.  I beg her to stop but she pleads it is the only way she can feel any relief.  She notices however that she is no longer puking up water or bile but instead begins puking out a white substance.  I get up to finish writing in my journal and then go for some lunch.  Quinoa salad and plantains are a nice afternoon snack.  I honestly don’t know what my body would be doing if I were dealing with all of this but feeding it my regular diet of burgers, diet coke and pizza.  The nutrients of our meals are like a surge of positive energy through my body and no feelings of fatigue or digestive problems come over me in the morning, I can truly feel my body detoxing. 

Jill comes and asks me how Meagan is doing and suggests that she should try having some oil to help her sleep because she cant seem to fall in for longer than 20 min.  Casey quickly grabs a piece of banana and puts a healthy amount of oil on it and takes it to her.  He informs us that she needs to keep it down for at least an hour but if she can do that she will fall asleep.  She slowly begins to drift off after I hold her in my arms for about an hour.  So as not to disturb her I decide to go hangout back in the kitchen. 

Aga upon arrival asks me how things are going.  I explain the situation and she says to me that is just how Ayahuasca works.  I said to her “neither of us went in though, so how is she working on us?”  She said “Sometimes she prepares you even before you take the brew and her lessons aren’t always through visions or feelings but can be intensely physical.”  She also told me that she spoke to Hillary and had said that she was here in the jungle because she feels that Meagan has a control over her life.  She also thought that Meagan often tried to take on the pain that Hillary was feeling and deal with it herself.  Aga explained that Mother Ayahuasca was sending her all of Hillary’s pain to Meagan, and further more possibly even all of the groups pain like a lightning rod.  She had mentioned that the vibes were very strong in the room yesterday and lots of it had to do with the power in the room but also the groundedness of the anchors.  Meagan often talks about how strong she is and the medicine was using her for that purpose.  Aga also affirmed to me that the reason I didn’t go in was because as her companion I am connected to her and needed to be there to support, which is why I did not get tired and was extremely alert and awake.  All of this info hit me like a bag of hammers.  Aga also told me that Jill and Casey would most likely convince but not force Meagan to participate again as it is all-apart of the healing process.

After talking about Meagan for a while Aga tells me how she became to be in Peru and some of her ceremonies.  She told me that often people don’t have visions per say but sometimes just feelings, emotions and intuitions.  Something common in her experiences was the feeling of snakes wrapping around her spine her body and shooting positive energy out her crown.  She also told me that her visions have also given her very heightened feelings of manifestation.  She told me that she was now able to manifest faster than ever before.  She shared how she manifested her relationship with Ramses and her trip to Peru as well as her job at the Tierra Vida.  This made me very calm and excited at the same time. 

Going back to check on my love I pray I will walk in and she will either be ok or she will be sleeping.  When I arrive she is fast asleep.  Clark tells me that we will be sharing our experiences inside the ceremony room so I send my love to Meagan and go to the meeting. 

Everyone is sitting in a circle in the ceremony room minus Irfan, Rifat and Meagan.  There is a talking stick presented by Jill and each of us will take turns holding it and sharing our night’s journey.  The Alaskan’s are the first to share.  They both had very profound visions as they had both worked with the medicine before.  They talked about a download of information almost so fast it was almost impossible to take it all in.  Brian spoke of a strong moment where he was able to see his mother who had past and was able to release her spirit.  He often has dreams of her sick and dying but last night he saw her well and happy. 

Hillary shared that she also was struggling to go in because of the attention on her sister but after she was being taken care of she started having visions of animals and the evolution of man.  She also saw Senna and Kayla, her daughters, grow old into women.  This made her and others emotional. 

After I shared Clark was next, he talked about how when he went in that the feelings of anger and frustration he was feeling were replaced with feelings of serenity.  He said when he went outside that every step he took light would come out and every tree he touched started to glow as if there was one powerful energy going through every living thing. 

Cody was next and this was his third ceremony in 5 days as he had just come from working directly with a Shaman so his visions were much more vivid and intense.  He explained that in his first ceremony she redefined what he knows about energy and the universe.  The second, he said was a extremely physical experience that took him deep inside his mortal body.  This time however he had trouble going in at first and he asked, “Am I doing this wrong” and she replied “Yes you are.  I have shown you all that you need to see.  Now would you like to see some lights?”  This made our whole group laugh.  He said he was apprehensive about doing it again now but he feels there is far more that he wants to know. 

Matt, shared how he saw the Icaros drawings and they began to fill in with color.  He also had the feelings of peace and joy.  He also felt the separation of heart, mind and spirit.  He was smiling the whole time.  Jonie then shared about how she was sent on a journey to her past lives by a cartoonish character kind of like Beetlejuice, but when she asked who this person was she replied “I am you.” 

Harvey said he didn’t go in too deep but that he felt a great amount of love that he just wanted to spread around. He also spoke of patterns and shapes but no visions.  Jen and Kristen both spoke of trying to control the medicine but Jill quickly told them that it is the opposite you must succumb to the teachings and experiences.  Todd also saw many colors but mostly had his focus on those around him. 

Lee seemed to have one of the most memorable experiences as he tends to get very excited easily.  He was looking to conquer fear and everything he was afraid of.  At first he was waving his hands around when the medicine was first coming through his body like he was directing an orchestra sending positive vibes to those around him.  He then went outside and sat down in nature where he was then covered by spiders.  He noticed that the lesson was not eliminate fear but to illuminate it. 

The stick was then passed back to Jill.  She gives thanks to everyone and tells us that they often learn themselves from our experiences.  The energy in the room was so strong that she herself was starting to feel sick because of all the vibrations and healing going on.  She felt it was more like a 2^nd or 3^rd ceremony and that the power and vibes in our group is very strong. 

Before dinner I ask Ramses if he has any herbs and papers to roll for Meagan.  The stuff here is so different, it is very seedy and dense but the quality is nowhere near back home.   After getting back and rolling a quick joint for her she only had to take just a few puffs and instantly the remaining nausea went away.  Meagan asks for something sweet to drink and some dinner.  We are having mixed vegetables with mango chutney and coconut water from a freshly cut coconut.  I was so happy to see Meagan eating some food and acting like her self again.  My main goal is not to pressure her to participate in the next ceremony but share with her the insights about why she was sick and hope she will want to continue. 

Ramses enters to drop off some organic sleep aids to her and she apologizes to him as he was helping her back and forth from the bathroom last night.  He let her know that there was no need to feel embarrassed and he had seen much worse and said that being sick is very common.  He enlightened her that Ayahuasca often heals us in different ways and this was part of her healing.  I told Meagan what Aga had told me about why she had suffered and as I told her I could see it was clicking in her head.  She said, “I am the strong one out of me and my sister.”  She was starting to see just how powerful she was, this brought her and I both to tears.  She then turned to me and said, “See I knew we were connected that’s why she wouldn’t keep us apart.”  This brought a huge smile to my face.