I
woke up today feeling extremely calm and excited, but also realizing I have a
lot of mental preparation to do to prepare for the journey I am about to
take. Decided to sleep in a little
instead of doing Yoga as the night was a little rough to get through. Dusk
comes so suddenly here, starting at around 5:30am and turning pitch black around
6:30pm. This often makes people get
up very early to enjoy the daylight while they have it. So when I say I slept in that only
means 7:30am.
Stepped
out of the cabin now laughing at the previous nights events as all of the roaches
now hidden away. Head behind our
hut to the showers, I am looking forward to a nice shower to ready me for the
day. I turn the hot water handle
but to my surprise nothing happens. Turn on the cold and it turns on
immediately. “Oh Great!” I say to
myself. Guess that’s what you do
when it is 35 degrees during the day and 28 degrees at night. Tomorrow I will shower a little later
in the day to take advantage of the heat.
When
I step into the kitchen hut I can feel everyone buzzing with excitement and
anticipation. Hard-boiled eggs,
blended smoothie and granola for breakfast to prepare the body for a healthy
purge tonight. Everyone seems very
enlightened today and wanting to share knowledge and experiences.
After
breakfast I popped out to find hammock to reflect and write about the days experiences. It seems to pour out of me, as I feel
very inspired. It is so easy to
raise my vibration level in these surroundings as everything around me is
living and beautiful, I feel as if Ayahuasca is already showing me how
everything is connected.
Took
a quick nap and before I know it, it’s lunchtime. Beat and carrot salad, if my mom knew I was eating this she
would laugh as she has being tying to get me to eat beats for years. Really don’t want to eat it but as
there is nothing else and I need some energy before ceremony. Sweeter than I imagined, but I
guess everything is in the jungle.
Jill
calls us for a plant walk in the afternoon and at first I am thinking that we
are just going to see pretty flowers and neat trees but I am shocked that instead
it is a local who describes how each plant around us in our very own camp can
be used to cure some sort of ailment.
From thorns that cure HIV to a “Miracle Plant” that cures cancer. It is hard to believe that all this
exists naturally in jungle and yet so many people are still suffering and dying
when these plants exist in vast quantities here in the rainforest. This explains why Shaman’s seem to be
in such good health and live very long because of their amazing
understanding of the plant life in the area. The highlight of our walk however
was the sloth we found hanging between two trees. So cute, I wish he would come down and play.
List
of Plants on Plant Walk:
1) Cogoyo- Good for kidneys
(mash the root)
2) Socoba- Good for Swelling
3) Una de gato- General Cure
all (Cancer, digestion, blood)*
4) Secreta de amor- bathe in to
find love
5) Acai- fruit high in
antioxidants (root, make into tea for kidney and vaginal issues
6) Cashew tree- boil bark for
diahrrea
7) Bibao- leaves for tamales,
etc
8) Cortesa- sap good for cuts
9) Setico- Inducing labor
during pregnancy
10) Capirona- Sap mix with 3 leaves of bibao for a
fungal skin infection
11) Milagrosa-
General Cure all
*
*
A
small period of free time following our plant walk before we participate in a
heart circle so I try to find a hammock to sit and listen to “The Power of Now”
to mentally prepare for tonight but once again I am drawn into conversation
between Lee, Clark and Irfan. We
start talking again about our reasons for being here and the amazing vibes we
have between like-minded people. Discussing our connection to our partners and how we hope that it will bring us
closer to them it bind us all.
We
are called to the ceremonial room for the heart circle but I am not quite sure
what I am in for. They explain how
it will be an exercise in connecting with everyone and creating positive
vibrations among our group. We
start by walking in, out and around everyone, weaving around the room. We are encouraged to feel the music and
to dance naturally if we want to.
We then start to engage with others by grabbing a partner to dance
around with just like kids on a playground. I am trying to be just like everyone else so I keep my moves
to a minimum so everyone feels comfortable. We then start making groups by 2 becoming 4 and then 4
dancing with 8 until we are all holding hands and dancing in a circle. Immediately faces brighten up and
everyone is smiling. We then begin
walking around the room and when a chime is heard we stop and give a hug to the
person nearest to us. At first it
is a little awkward but once everyone surrenders it becomes very calming and
loving. The last time we hear the
chime we stop in front of the person and we are asked to play a mirror
game. This involves making a
mirror image of the person in front of you by intuitively moving body parts and
responding with neither leading or following and only looking into each other’s
eyes. I was very fortunate to get
to do this with Meagan, which made it easy for both of us.
Switching
to a new person we are asked to sit down this time and stare deep into each other’s
eyes. This time I am with Harvey,
the Texan. There is a radiating
calmness in his eyes as I stare deep into his soul. We then put our right hand on our heart and our left on our
partners and send all of our love to one another. We then switch partners and I go to Jen, then Kristen,
Jonie, Rifat, Andrea, Lee and Irfan.
With each we share our intention for tonight’s ceremony after staring
deep into each other’s eyes. Every
person has a different energy but a common ground is felt with everyone. Once we are done we stand up and get in
a circle and thank one another.
The room is filled with acceptance and peace for tonight’s ceremony.
We head back to our rooms and I once again
grab my iPod to try to listen to my audio book. This time no distractions will stop me, as I need to focus
and be in the now. I start with
chapter 5 talking about nothingness but it doesn’t feel right for what I am
feeling so I go to the next chapter about love. It seems very fitting since I am here
with the woman I love. I have read
this book many times before but this is the first time I have really been in
love while going through it. Every
word that comes out of Eckhart Tolle’s mouth perfectly describes my
relationship with Meagan. In the
past when I have read this it showed me what was wrong with my relationships
but this time it edifies what is right and how to keep it strong. Little do I know that I am going to
learn all about love from Mother Ayahuasca tonight.
Around
6:30 we head into the ceremonial room and get in our spots. Mats have been put down and leaned up
against wood backs so you can sit up.
A soft fleece blanket on top keeps the seat warm and cozy for your
journey. We have been asked to
bring our pillow, water bottle and flashlight. A bucket is placed next to everyone so we have a place to
purge. We are all in a circle
facing one another with a kneeling table in the middle containing all of the
Shaman’s mixtures (incense, sage etc) and including Ayahuasca. The room is dark
except for a few candles. The two Shamans’,
man and wife, are at the head of the room. We all wait silently and reflecting for the next hour until
the ceremony will begin. Jill
comes in and gives introductions and explains the ceremony outline before we
begin.
The
Shaman comes around to each of us and uses a ceremonial rolled tobacco, mopacco,
which acts as a cleanser of bad spirits.
They will blow all over the moloka but also blows it on the crown of
each person participating in the ritual.
The excitement keeps on building inside me. The Shaman then takes the bottle and sings a silent Icaros
that sounds like a whistle or a whisper.
It is meant to give direction to Ayahuasca and give an intention on the
group. Casey then pours the brew,
into small glasses about 3oz in volume.
I quickly down my medicine and I can only describe the taste as very
tart grapefruit juice that is dark purple in color. You can taste the potency of the brew. We are given a small dab of peppermint
oil on our hand to lick after drinking to counteract the taste since we have
been instructed not to drink water until an hour into the ceremony. We are also given our own mopacco to smoke
to get rid of any lingering taste.
The table in the middle of the room is then removed and all lights go
out. We are now in total darkness.
It
does not take long for my body to feel the medicine flow through it. Not sure what to expect I start shaking
all over my body with anxiousness.
Meagan lying next to me is the first to purge only 5 min after taking
it. She then gets up to go outside
where Jill is there to watch over her.
Part of my being leaves with her making it very difficult for me to
focus on the medicine in my own body.
I feel it coursing through my veins and after about an hour I roll over
and purge in my bucket. As soon as
I do two others join me. I then
sit back and I can feel the piercing energy flow through all of my skin. Intense patterns* begin to appear when I
close my eyes with beams of red light.
I can see tribal patterns with animal’s faces popping through but only
when my eyes are closed. Ayahuasca
has not taken me yet but I can feel a sort of pull. With Meagan coughing outside I am constantly being shut out
of entering this new consciousness and am being beckoned outside.
I
leave the room and head towards the toilets where I see Jill glowing in a white
outfit almost like an angel. She
leads me to Meagan who is bent over kneeling on the ground puking in an intense
sweat. She can barely move and
says it is the sickest feeling she has ever felt. I am not feeling nearly as bad but am feeling a little light
headed and nauseous. I beg her to
come in as we are all puking inside and there is no need to feel embarrassed. After a few minutes she follows me and
I get her back on her mat and I lay on mine. I instantly feel more peaceful. Maybe now Ayahuasca will take me on my journey. I keep popping in and out as my focus
keeps going to others as if they are calling to me. Everyone around me seems to be slipping into his or her
consciousness. Cody, the army vet
next to me starts to giggle and mumble.
Jonie two seats over begins to cry and I am drawn to send some of my
energy to both of them. I plead in
my mind for her to take me. I say
in my head over and over, “take me, I am ready, take me.” I knock on the floor to call Casey over
to give me another dose hoping it will give it the kick it needs.
Again
I feel the medicine work through my whole physical body and after a half hour I
purge again. Now I surely must go
in I think to myself but once again my mind stays in the room. Meagan seems to be getting worse next
to me and pulls my attention once again.
I start to realize that my purpose for the evening may be to anchor
those around me and to be there for the one I love. My mind then relaxes and I lye on my side as I feel the
medicine subside.
The
Shamans’ have been singing there Icaros to everyone in the circle when the
finally arrive at me. A new emotion has taken over me and is surging through my body. I begin to feel anger, jealousy and
frustration because of my disappointment.
I do not realize what my lesson was for this ceremony at this time and
the more I think about it the more upset I get. Planning this for the past 6 months and travelling to the
other side of the equator to partake and nothing profound happens my first
night makes my blood boil.
The
Shamans’ finish singing to us and I graciously thank them for the both of
us. We wait patiently for them to
finish the circle and when they are finished Meagan and I are the first to
leave and head back to our moloka.
As we leave Meagan stops a few times to purge some more. I have never seen Meagan so
uncomfortable and sick, I have to take her to the bathroom and clean up after
her on the way. We then get inside
and I see in our room that they have taken banana peels and put poison on them
to attract all of the cockroaches.
There at least twenty roaches all around the hut dead on there
back. I quickly dispose of them
and then get Meagan to bed with a bucket next to her in case she is sick
through the night. Hillary and
Clark show up later but all of us are up all night with not a wink of sleep as
we hear Meagan puking for the next 15 hours. As daylight comes I am crushed as it is so painful to see my girl in so much pain. I now know
why I was inspired to listen to the Chapter on love. I was being shown that my first lesson I needed to learn was
how to love unconditionally and free of judgment. I had to this because Meagan needed me and I had to accept her
looking and feeling the way she did.
I was kept sober because I needed to be, for her sake. After dealing with her pain as much as
I can I decide to go and get help.
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